(Falling flat in Holland Park)
Simon fell over on a viewing recently. I don’t mean had a slight trip or stumble, but a real proper body flop with a mighty thwack when hitting the floor.
It happened at this house in Holland Park, which I think adds a lovely touch of irony: the most unseemly of happenings in perhaps the most elegant neighbourhood in London.
As Simon was closing the bi-folding doors from the patio, he turned around to continue the viewing. Alas, he caught his foot on a small chair which prevented the bottom half of his body from following his torso and mind which had already set off toward the other side of the room.
Sensing imminent misfortune, Simon kept his wits about him while crashing to the floor and managed to deftly avoid the charming circular side table and tripod lamp that sat by the windows. As he fell full prostrate with arms outstretched in hopeful protection, his palms gave out a mighty slap as they hit the floor – a recently laid oak parquet in beautiful herringbone whose exquisite finish Simon couldn’t help but admire at such close quarters.
Ever the professional, Simon was swiftly back on his feet, brushing off the concerns of the viewers and proceeding upstairs to complete the tour. And in true British fashion, absolutely nothing more was acknowledged or said about the event.